Some Hells are the Children of Heaven

by Starter Garden

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credits

released June 5, 2017

Written and recorded by Nate Leritz in a two-bedroom apartment in Columbus, OH

Album cover photo by Cameron Harrison

Performed live, Starter Garden is:
Nate Leritz
Nathaniel Urband
Mark Duhaime
Sam Boyhtari
Logan Gaval

Without them, this thing would be lonely and sad.

Nathaniel and Mark also play in Forest Green.
forestgreen1.bandcamp.com

Sam and Logan also play in Greet Death.
greetdeath.bandcamp.com

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Starter Garden Columbus, Ohio

Angst born in the mitten. Tastes like dandelions and woodchips.

Also see: nateleritzandthedisappointedparents.bandcamp.com

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Track Name: Trust Fall
I searched for a jewel to place on your finger,
But you only wanted to search for yourself,
I had closed my eyes and folded my arms across my chest,
And fell so hard where you had been

Under fluorescent lights,
I can't sleep at night,
Then sleep all day,
Wake up for the drugs,
It's a simple life
Track Name: Flawless Cowboy
How many lies does it take to get to the poisonous truth,
How many times will you say the same thing?

To lash out at the pain,
It's all I know,
I don't mean to act this way,
But you're the only one I know here,
And I was counting on you to keep me okay

I hear myself becoming my father,
With the way that I speak to the ones who I love,
How many times will I say the same thing?

To lash out at the pain,
It's all I know,
I don't mean to act this way,
But you're the only one I know here,
And I was counting on you to keep me okay
Track Name: Something Different, Someone Else
Now I'm tied up in our bed and everywhere else,
All the time

Now you're gone,
Hanging with your friends,
Anyone but me,
All the time

What if I did something different?
What if I was someone else?
Would it make a difference?
Would it change how you felt?

What's your name?
Tell who you are,
Cause I don't really know anymore

How can you expect me to believe that you ever cared about me?
Did you ever care?

How can you be so cold when you see what all of this is doing to me?
Lovers until the end or at least you get tired of me

What if I did something different?
What if I was someone else?
Would it make a difference?
Would it change how you felt?

How can you be so cold when you see what all of this is doing to me?
Track Name: Sometimes,
Sometimes you're like a cigarette suffered for in the cold,
Sometimes I wish that I had never met you at all,
Sometimes you're that last drink that was a terrible mistake,
You've got me curled up, alone on the bathroom floor

You say we're still friends,
I wish we were,
You would not treat me like this, then

Now you're so cold,
Now you're so cold to me

But you'll always be the one I could never live without,
So where does that leave me?
The pain in my chest is now a constant companion,
And I've never been too good at having friends

I gave you my love,
My body,
Every last piece of me,
I don't know what to do,
Or where to go from here,
I gave you every last piece of me and you threw it all away
Track Name: When I Needed You
When I needed you,
You were not there,
You were off somewhere,
With anyone but me

Under fluorescent lights,
Do you care?

You can say you care,
That you have not abandoned me,
But I call bullshit,
Did you ever really care?

Under fluorescent lights,
Did you ever care?
When I was under fluorescent lights,
Did you ever care?

I did not deserve this,
I wanna hear you say it,
I did not deserve this,
Won't you just fucking say it?
Track Name: Long Life
I've been writing goodbye notes,
And then burning them,
Just to see what it feels like,
If this is the end, then it's the end,
I just thought you'd be here

If this is what you want,
Don't say you're sorry,
Just admit that you fucked up

If you even care anymore,
Know this is goodbye,
One way or another

I've been writing goodbye notes,
And then rereading them,
I always seem to forget somebody else,
That best friend from grade school,
That stranger on 3rd street,
It's a long life that's never short enough

If this is what you want,
Don't say you're sorry,
Just admit that you fucked up

If you even care anymore,
Know this is goodbye,
One way or another

If this is what you want,
Well I am sorry,
I wish that it wasn't

If you even care anymore,
Know this is goodbye,
At least for a while
Track Name: Is this what moving on looks like?
Is this what moving on looks like:
Too much beer,
Not enough sleep,
And endless self-evaluation

Is this what growing up feels like:
Like you're never awake,
And you always feel like you're not where you're supposed to be,
Like you're always out of place

Tell me,
What does moving out look like:
Cardboard boxes,
Discarded handmade valentines,
And a piercing, tearing sound

I did not deserve this,
I don't care if you admit it,
I have come to expect nothing from you,
And I receive it in excess
Track Name: Find it here!
I think I've worn out my welcome,
Though I moved farther South,
It just keeps getting colder,
And all the things I thought would keep me okay have left me in the dust

It's time to let go,
And love this place for what it is,
Not for what it was

I let you wear down my defenses,
I placed my trust in you,
And all the things you said,
That I foolishly believed,
Did they ever mean anything at all?

It's time to let go,
And love this place for what it is,
Not for what it was

It's time to let go of you,
And love myself,
In spite of what you've done to me
Track Name: Messua the Pit Bull Conveys Her Astounding Optimism
I was something you wanted,
Until you did not want me,
Now I spend my days locked away in a cage

I recall when I was so small,
And you held me in your arms,
You called me yours

I was yours,
I was all you needed

We would walk for hours,
Until you stopped caring,
Now I pace the apartment, alone,
Until you finally notice,
And you tell me to go away,
To lie down,
To just forget everything,
And I don't understand how this is so easy for you

When I was yours,
When I was all you needed

But someone,
Somewhere,
Someday,
Will look into my eyes and see the treasure hidden beneath and not throw it away like you did

Like you did
Track Name: Stable Ground
I can't keep up like this,
There's got to be something more to it,
We just go around and around

When I finally even out,
Bury me in that stable ground
Track Name: Child of Heaven
There are no gods among men,
Some hells are the children of heaven

You speak your truth,
Then close your eyes,
Like a purgatory prophet,
Or a god among men
Like a god among men

I confessed to you,
Worshipped your words,
I read your book,
I sang your songs,
But there are no...

Gods come and go,
But their wreckage remains,
Gods come and go,
You'll be replaced by something more
Track Name: Nothing, Nothing At All
Nothing,
Nothing at all is wrong right now,
In this stranger's bed I feel more warmth than I've felt from you in months

I will run from you like I would from disease
I will run from you

Nothing,
Nothing at all could change my mind about this,
For the first time in months there's not a constant pain in my chest

I will run from you,
It feels like there is nothing wrong when I do

I will run from you like I would from disease
I will run from you

Nothing,
Nothing at all is wrong right now
Track Name: What it Looks Like
What ghosts will find a home in these walls and haunt all the tenants to come?
I see their silhouettes and feel the air turn cold,
So cold to me

I couldn't sleep at night,
So I found some new friends and buried my old life,
I'll stay away from things like love,
At least for a while

What ghosts will find a home in my heart and haunt all my days and my dreams?
I found new life,
Born under fluorescent lights,
And it's mine
It's mine

I found new life,
Born under fluorescent lights